It's early in the morning, I am not sure I want to see the sun so I keep my eyes closed, but my nose is freezing. I am thinking to myself "aint it funny how when the weather is great I can never feel my nose and my ears but give me one cold day and my nose feels like an ice block and my ears can be compared to the feeling you get when you have just left a piercing clinic." So, there I am lying there hoping to God that I dont have to get up! I know I have to I have to go to this daily thing called a job that promises money and fame. As far as I know the money lasts long enough for me to get 3 decent meals and well the fame... please the only person that knows my name here is the IT guy coz i can never work my way around this dumb machine anyway.
So there I am turning my large rotund body to peep at my mobile and check out the time. I think " slowly, slowly... ok feel around on the side table, you don't have to open your eyes yet, you can open them just to peep at the time and then go back to Lala land. Arrgh seven... that gives me an hour or so to sleep ok come on body go back to sleep ... you know you wanna... what am I going to do when I wake up.. smoke a ciggarette, take a dump and then I am going to shower rush out and go to that place... wait hold up! A month ago we could not get over this place it was... yes it was a big fat lie... I am tired let me sleep. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... this is not working... were is that box of ciggies i need one now I am sure it will put me to sleep.
So, what if I get retrenched ... second time in the space of six months... oh but the first time never mattered i mean you were like what... ummm oh yeah you volunteered. Yeah, that i did... it's always better that way always get them before they get you, but how many times are you going to deny this. You dont like this job, you feel you can change the world with great ideas and they feel they can make money with watered down pissed on crap regurgertated ideas that have nothing to do with where the people are right now. They want ideas that live in their own world and the clients wants watered down ideas, but what do the people want... they want something real. something they can look at and ralate to. Everybody is looking for a reason to wake up today... I am too.
Ok I'm up... aah man it's like 8:30 I must be retarded between 7:00 and 8:30 that is the only crap that has come out of my thick skull... maybe i deserve a dead end job that might fire me tomorrow. Shit it's really cold out here man... Oy... he looks so sweet when he is asleep the drool flowing from his mouth as cute as a freakishly big baby hmmm... pity i have to leave I could sit here and look at every crease scar and zit on that pretty caramel face, theres no time I have to make money for someone else and check out the latest movies and gossip on the internet. I do the latter more than make the money.
I hate the icy feeling of the toilet seat on my butt on a winter morning... geez you would have thought someone would have invented a seat warmer or something... ok nothings coming out... that's coz it's so cold my pee is frozen in my godamn bladder geez like it.... arrgh... oh there we go... hahah ooooh the relief... best part of my morning anyday. Paper, paper... i like soft paper. Ok, flush... nope it's not flushing... come on flush you dumb ass. I will take care of this later. Cold floor, cold floor!!! Squeek, squeek... what do you mean there is no water in the shower!! %$@#&*%$@#&^%#@$$%&(&^%#$%##@!!!!! I have to go work and i smell like i have been living on the street for the past year. Man oh man. Oh I know there is a jug of water in the fridge i will just get the important parts. Haaat Haaat HaaaTT!!!! ooooooo wweeee this stuff is cold... ahhh man WTF... can this day get any worse. ok ok I am done.
Sniff, sniff, sniff, dirty, dirty, GEEEEEEEZZZZZZ what the...!!! I obviously have some memmory loss. Hmmm he's clothes are clean. Ok sweater, cargos, sneakers. I wonder if i brushed my hair. where is that beanie.. that should cover hiroshima. Bag, oreos, car keys... oh where did i put those shit motherfuckers??? oh here they are right where i left them three days ago... Oh brush my teeth... water problem... ice water... Owwwww!!! Ok I am out.
Ok Now start... Start.. please start. hahahaha there we go we are in business! Now what will i listen to today... i hate radio DJ's they are so annoying. Dude what the hell are you on. Ag no music today... I feel like a super quiet day. Parking, parking..... ahahahahahahahhah... there we go a free spot for me. I feel dead already... why me ... why do i have to work today. Ok 1...2...3. Out the car in the office one the internet... i need a ciggarette... No I dont have the files, no I dont have an idea, no i have not apllied for the staff loyalty crap. Why cant I just close my eyes and they all go away.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Darn it i did it again
Yesterday I blogged about my addiction to you know what (gossip columns). And yes at the posting of that blog I was as serious as i am right now about ridding myself of the junk, but in a moment of weakness and boredom I succumed i found myself checking out the Kardishain sisters and looking at P didy's problems ... Oh woaw is me how could i be soo weak in the face of my Arch nemisis.... the gossip blog
confusion
It creeps up like a thief in the night
You know the right answer you do
But it gives you the what if's
The whys and the wont's
The buts
It's the confusion, the terror of something new
The fear of being without
It's the lie that rings in at midnight
it keeps calling you back
Making you think you are wrong when you are right
It's the confusion, it really does creep up on you
You know the right answer you do
But it gives you the what if's
The whys and the wont's
The buts
It's the confusion, the terror of something new
The fear of being without
It's the lie that rings in at midnight
it keeps calling you back
Making you think you are wrong when you are right
It's the confusion, it really does creep up on you
The happy tune to the sad song
This will be a short one i promise. I have been thinking about this happiness thing and it seems that for a while, the soundtrack of my life has had a happy tune but the lyrics are so sad. Like ... you know that girl, the one who is always smiling, laughing and chatting to everone under the sun yet when she goes home she feels so lost and so alone because nobody cares and nobody really bothers to wonder when she isnt around.
Yeah I just realised, it's the happy tune to the sad song...
Yeah I just realised, it's the happy tune to the sad song...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
No, not really.
I was thinking the other day about how many gossip columns I read a day. That is when i realised how i got addicted to them last year, which is the same way I am hoping to get addicted to this blog. While minding my own business checking out peoples profiles on Facebook a friedn of mine send me a link saying check out so and so's dress and me loving clothing the way I do... there i was clicking my heart away.
And that is where it started, oh this dress is nice oh that celebrity looked so good. OMG I wish SA sold that bag... until one fateful day i started readding the text e.g. Pimp Pays Prostitute With Chicken Nuggets. LMAO is what i thought! The pimp did what?? Oh then it was Parios Hilton spotted walking across the road (Okay?? Is she supposed to crawl), But then ( Ia m not a gossip person) there were jucier ones like. Chris Brown beats down Rihanna... I am sad to admit that a couple of friends and i threw in a couple of laughs at this ... that was not right. A few months later the less enlightend ones of us got a beatdown from their men too... soooo sad.
That is besides the point. The point is I found myself stuck to these columns, so everyday it would be e-mail, facebook, twitter and the gossip columns I could read them for hours. The harsh realisation that it had to come to an end came to me the day I found myself asking a friend at a party if she had heard about Mariahs marriage... I am glad to say there are some sane people out there because i was met with a blank stare. Where had my mind gone?? Was I an air head now?? A Metro FM penny Lebyane listener?? Oh my... I had lost myself in the middle of all my work boredom and become the giggle girls that i look at with disdain. Before my addiction I thought Lady Gaga was a light skinned black chick. People have a right to privacy whether they are public figures or not. and when i was addicted i forgot that.
So my question is do these columns and magazines do anything for a girl like me? No not really is the answer. And form today onwards I am dealing with my addiction.
P.s. The pimp thing was funny though
And that is where it started, oh this dress is nice oh that celebrity looked so good. OMG I wish SA sold that bag... until one fateful day i started readding the text e.g. Pimp Pays Prostitute With Chicken Nuggets. LMAO is what i thought! The pimp did what?? Oh then it was Parios Hilton spotted walking across the road (Okay?? Is she supposed to crawl), But then ( Ia m not a gossip person) there were jucier ones like. Chris Brown beats down Rihanna... I am sad to admit that a couple of friends and i threw in a couple of laughs at this ... that was not right. A few months later the less enlightend ones of us got a beatdown from their men too... soooo sad.
That is besides the point. The point is I found myself stuck to these columns, so everyday it would be e-mail, facebook, twitter and the gossip columns I could read them for hours. The harsh realisation that it had to come to an end came to me the day I found myself asking a friend at a party if she had heard about Mariahs marriage... I am glad to say there are some sane people out there because i was met with a blank stare. Where had my mind gone?? Was I an air head now?? A Metro FM penny Lebyane listener?? Oh my... I had lost myself in the middle of all my work boredom and become the giggle girls that i look at with disdain. Before my addiction I thought Lady Gaga was a light skinned black chick. People have a right to privacy whether they are public figures or not. and when i was addicted i forgot that.
So my question is do these columns and magazines do anything for a girl like me? No not really is the answer. And form today onwards I am dealing with my addiction.
P.s. The pimp thing was funny though
He should have crossed on the other side of the street.
A friend of mine once told me what was possibly one of the most romantic modern day stories i had ever heard. It was about two people finally finding each other in a congested world after almost ten years of not seeing each other. The unfortunate part is that however beautiful their meeting was the story turned sour and my friend ended up with slight bruises on her legs and bigger bruises on her heart. Not that she had not tried - she did, but sometimes the romantic story does not really belong to the story teller. and this is how the story went.
It was an average day (if the ever was a thing) Frieda (my friends name) was going about her not so daily duties of going to the bank. Not so daily because Frieda hated the bank and also because since she is an artist her ass was always broke... not just broke but BROKE!!! Ok you get the point... moving on swiftly. Frieda was walking in the heat, plus she was not particularly impressed by the way her April afternoon was turning out. Cash flow troubles, boring 9-5 job and the looming aftertaste of a very dramatic breakup. Oh if only things were easier on this akward young lady.
As Frieda was crossing the street at the corner of Wale and Long street in Cape Town she felt a hand grab her arm, she looked up and there, right there was someone she may have known, but was not sure if she knew them then. The first guess in her head was ... party then no and then it was Mojito's then no... aaah my dear brother Antonio's friend ... that has to be it. Alas our dear Frieda was wrong again. This was Kelvin, kelvin who she had gone to high school with for a year when she was between schools (Frieda was as naughty as Junior from problem child). Ok Back to Kelvin, there he was smiling at her - she wanted to laugh he had a crouqet smile similar to the one she imagines herself to have (she has a pretty wild imagination if you ask me). So, there it was the first time she had seen Kelvin in 9 years. Like normal people do they exchanged numbers and since it was a Friday they decided that maybe drinks would be a great idea.
Although the converstion during the drings evades Frieda this she does remember: Kelvin thought she was sexy and after her dramatic breakup anyone who thought that got ten points. They drank, thay talked and well Frieda watched him hit on a girl half his age... ok not really just much younger than him. Later that night she was so intoxicated she would never be able to make her way home so there she was passed out in his hotel room. Later he snuck in next to her, she said no and this was the way it went for the next couple of times he decided to show face in her city.
Later that year Frieda had a breakdown, her first of many to come, but by far the worst. Frieda stopped her car on the Highway and told friends that she loved and hated to get the fuck out of her car because for once Frieda realised that she was lost and she could not stand the people around her. She needed and wanted so much more. The had to be more to life than the meaningless emptiness of going to work, then drinking, then going to a party, then that all over again. The had to be a meaning to all this, the had to be more ... where was this all going. "Get out all of you! And I never want to see you again!" Frieda got on the first flight to Johannesburg because she knew she had to see Kelvin, somehow ( she could be wrong) she felt that the answer was with him.
Frieda arrived in Johannesburg and Kelvins best freind Matt was there to meet her. She was told that Kelvin was away it was his girlfriends birthday. "Girlfriend Frieda was a bit confused Kelvin was the one who encouraged her to come. Frieda stayed the weekend and had a great time with new faces but the repitition of deeds felt the same empty and lonely and then from nowhere Kelvin returned. Not like a night in shining armour more like an akward kid who knew they were about to steal the cookies.
As the story goes Frieda and Kelvin got together and for a while they were happy. But one day Kelvin came to visit Frieda and she realised that he was still stuck in his past. It turned out that Kelvin was not too happy with Friedas friends either... he found fault with everysingle male friend, then it was the girl friends and when Frieda finnally moved to his City her lonileness loomed over her more than ever.
Kelvin was nowhere to be found, never answered her calls, didnt even bother with her at all. Unless it was one of those days that he woke up and felt like seeing her which was rare. He would blatantly without any remorse tell her i do not want to see you. Then to top things off Kelvin asked Frieda, if he could stay with her for a month when he was waiting for his new apartment to be ready for him. He never showed up and spent his two weeks at his ex Girlfriends place. Frieda was devastated. She tried to call, she even begged and in a her lonliness she decided that alone was better than the betrayal that she felt.
Kelvin came back and begged her to stay, he begged so much that Frieda took him back introduced him to her parents at christmas and then on New year's Eve Klevin gave Frieda that greatest surprise she had ever gotten... let's put the surprise into context. Kelvin was moving into his new place and Frieda as the girlfriend really wanted to help, but Kelvin shut Frieda out and made his ex help instead. Frieda came by that evening all merry from the season babling on and talking as she pleased and Kelvin snapped and dragged her around his brand new apartment. Of course to Kelvin it was Frieda's fault and Frieda was a Drunk!
Time passed and things happend, Frieda began to die inside - she was not allowed to say anything that would piss Klevin off no matter how hurt or angry she was. She was not allowed to metion the fact that Kelvin was driving his exes car, or that he was unreliable and told her stories that were the furthest thing from the truth. According to Kelvin, Frieda was cheating and she wass the empty liar. Frieda (weakling...) knew that everytime he said these things he referd to himself but god knows why she never walked out on him.
One day, on her birthday weekend she went out for lunch with Kelvin and if satan had not moved through him that day then Frieda would surely never know what evil truly is. He told her that he had cheated on her and it was her fault (at this point our curly haired lady was praying for strength) He continued to rip her character apart and tell her about people that are better than her. She cried and screamed ( she was snapping again she had visions of killing him). But obviously he had more Vivid visions of killing Frieda. My friend Frieda never made it to work the next day. My friend Frieda died that day. Kelvin killed Frieda.
It was an average day (if the ever was a thing) Frieda (my friends name) was going about her not so daily duties of going to the bank. Not so daily because Frieda hated the bank and also because since she is an artist her ass was always broke... not just broke but BROKE!!! Ok you get the point... moving on swiftly. Frieda was walking in the heat, plus she was not particularly impressed by the way her April afternoon was turning out. Cash flow troubles, boring 9-5 job and the looming aftertaste of a very dramatic breakup. Oh if only things were easier on this akward young lady.
As Frieda was crossing the street at the corner of Wale and Long street in Cape Town she felt a hand grab her arm, she looked up and there, right there was someone she may have known, but was not sure if she knew them then. The first guess in her head was ... party then no and then it was Mojito's then no... aaah my dear brother Antonio's friend ... that has to be it. Alas our dear Frieda was wrong again. This was Kelvin, kelvin who she had gone to high school with for a year when she was between schools (Frieda was as naughty as Junior from problem child). Ok Back to Kelvin, there he was smiling at her - she wanted to laugh he had a crouqet smile similar to the one she imagines herself to have (she has a pretty wild imagination if you ask me). So, there it was the first time she had seen Kelvin in 9 years. Like normal people do they exchanged numbers and since it was a Friday they decided that maybe drinks would be a great idea.
Although the converstion during the drings evades Frieda this she does remember: Kelvin thought she was sexy and after her dramatic breakup anyone who thought that got ten points. They drank, thay talked and well Frieda watched him hit on a girl half his age... ok not really just much younger than him. Later that night she was so intoxicated she would never be able to make her way home so there she was passed out in his hotel room. Later he snuck in next to her, she said no and this was the way it went for the next couple of times he decided to show face in her city.
Later that year Frieda had a breakdown, her first of many to come, but by far the worst. Frieda stopped her car on the Highway and told friends that she loved and hated to get the fuck out of her car because for once Frieda realised that she was lost and she could not stand the people around her. She needed and wanted so much more. The had to be more to life than the meaningless emptiness of going to work, then drinking, then going to a party, then that all over again. The had to be a meaning to all this, the had to be more ... where was this all going. "Get out all of you! And I never want to see you again!" Frieda got on the first flight to Johannesburg because she knew she had to see Kelvin, somehow ( she could be wrong) she felt that the answer was with him.
Frieda arrived in Johannesburg and Kelvins best freind Matt was there to meet her. She was told that Kelvin was away it was his girlfriends birthday. "Girlfriend Frieda was a bit confused Kelvin was the one who encouraged her to come. Frieda stayed the weekend and had a great time with new faces but the repitition of deeds felt the same empty and lonely and then from nowhere Kelvin returned. Not like a night in shining armour more like an akward kid who knew they were about to steal the cookies.
As the story goes Frieda and Kelvin got together and for a while they were happy. But one day Kelvin came to visit Frieda and she realised that he was still stuck in his past. It turned out that Kelvin was not too happy with Friedas friends either... he found fault with everysingle male friend, then it was the girl friends and when Frieda finnally moved to his City her lonileness loomed over her more than ever.
Kelvin was nowhere to be found, never answered her calls, didnt even bother with her at all. Unless it was one of those days that he woke up and felt like seeing her which was rare. He would blatantly without any remorse tell her i do not want to see you. Then to top things off Kelvin asked Frieda, if he could stay with her for a month when he was waiting for his new apartment to be ready for him. He never showed up and spent his two weeks at his ex Girlfriends place. Frieda was devastated. She tried to call, she even begged and in a her lonliness she decided that alone was better than the betrayal that she felt.
Kelvin came back and begged her to stay, he begged so much that Frieda took him back introduced him to her parents at christmas and then on New year's Eve Klevin gave Frieda that greatest surprise she had ever gotten... let's put the surprise into context. Kelvin was moving into his new place and Frieda as the girlfriend really wanted to help, but Kelvin shut Frieda out and made his ex help instead. Frieda came by that evening all merry from the season babling on and talking as she pleased and Kelvin snapped and dragged her around his brand new apartment. Of course to Kelvin it was Frieda's fault and Frieda was a Drunk!
Time passed and things happend, Frieda began to die inside - she was not allowed to say anything that would piss Klevin off no matter how hurt or angry she was. She was not allowed to metion the fact that Kelvin was driving his exes car, or that he was unreliable and told her stories that were the furthest thing from the truth. According to Kelvin, Frieda was cheating and she wass the empty liar. Frieda (weakling...) knew that everytime he said these things he referd to himself but god knows why she never walked out on him.
One day, on her birthday weekend she went out for lunch with Kelvin and if satan had not moved through him that day then Frieda would surely never know what evil truly is. He told her that he had cheated on her and it was her fault (at this point our curly haired lady was praying for strength) He continued to rip her character apart and tell her about people that are better than her. She cried and screamed ( she was snapping again she had visions of killing him). But obviously he had more Vivid visions of killing Frieda. My friend Frieda never made it to work the next day. My friend Frieda died that day. Kelvin killed Frieda.
The first time
Like any other first time i would figure that the first blog would be the hardest, although I have had a blog before - this is the first time i have acctually attempted to do anything about the blog that i have started.
Maybe I should start at the beginning: why I am starting a blog. Truth is ...I am kinda' bored today so i thought i should start a blog. This blog is not about anything particular, it really is just the ramblings of an impressionable fool. On this blog you will hear of strange beautiful and downright wierd things. But most of all I am hoping to improve my writing skills - if there ever was a thing. Find my style so to say. So whoever reads this (besides the fact that they must have absolutley nothing else to do on this planet) I hope they get to laugh cry and shake their heads in concern with me. More than anything this blog will be about my fantastic opinions and the way that i see the world. I hope to gain understanding and all those pretty things that people always say when they are writing to the public.
Well, then. That said, I hope you enjoy the ramblings of and old impressionable fool.
Where's the spell check for this thing??
Maybe I should start at the beginning: why I am starting a blog. Truth is ...I am kinda' bored today so i thought i should start a blog. This blog is not about anything particular, it really is just the ramblings of an impressionable fool. On this blog you will hear of strange beautiful and downright wierd things. But most of all I am hoping to improve my writing skills - if there ever was a thing. Find my style so to say. So whoever reads this (besides the fact that they must have absolutley nothing else to do on this planet) I hope they get to laugh cry and shake their heads in concern with me. More than anything this blog will be about my fantastic opinions and the way that i see the world. I hope to gain understanding and all those pretty things that people always say when they are writing to the public.
Well, then. That said, I hope you enjoy the ramblings of and old impressionable fool.
Where's the spell check for this thing??
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