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I wake up in the morning, truth is I didn’t wake up I just got out of the bed, its either the sleep comes or it doesn’t. My mind is filled with many different things and everyday when I wake up and check my e-mails I get angrier, nothing is going like it should, every week seems shittier than the one before, my hair is falling out again. Nothing feels like the reality I once knew, even when I stare into the mirror I see a different stranger everyday. My body refuses to move, my voice refuses to speak and my mind is lost in a coma of depression. The world is so surreal so far away, I am blind once again. So utterly lost as a being. I asked God where I should go? He kept me hoping and this hope is killing me, I have no idea when or how to stop. Uninspired I stare into barrels, shooting guns and ammunition flying everywhere past me… there’s a me that longs to meet with death and dance till the midnights sun rises, but I cannot because to die is not be any more, my vanity is still driven by these useless materials, the bane of my existence, the inspiration of my sadness, nothing is real, I touch myself, hurt myself, because I do not recognise the intruder living inside of me. We are all trapped in here. We want, we long for everything, but nothing is real… except for the pain, the pain feels more real, it makes me feel alive, it wakes me from deep slumber, it shatters dreams that may have been… its like trying to fly when you never got wings… I keep staring into the barrel, I polish a gun, I hold the ammunition, once again I am holding a gun against my head ….